This is why I homeschool.

In December of 2011, I had this strong conviction come over me. The conviction was to homeschool. While it had definitely crossed my mind well before then, it was a stronger idea, bigger than ever. I started discussing it with my husband, who was at first a little opposed, but not entirely (he was homeschooled for a few years as a child) and soon he was absolutely okay with the idea. In February 2012, I made the decision to homeschool and set aside the money to do it. In May, I bought curriculum. I was scared, unsure of how this was going to work. I knew we could do it. I was just unsure of how it would go. I started talking my friends and family. I thought I would be met with "Good for you!" and "That's wonderful!" I was wrong. I was so, so wrong! I got so much criticism, even before I started. I was so let down. I thought that taking control of my kids' education would be praised. Instead, I was criticized and put down. I felt so alone! I did have a few supporters that kept me going during that hard time. I kept going, because I had bigger reasons to homeschool than to gain the approval of others. Here's why I started homeschooling and why I continue today.

1. I am a Christian. My first and foremost reason to homeschool is to lovingly guide and raise my kids to love Jesus.

2. I get to spend more time with my kids. I get to share good times and bad times, loving and correcting them more often than the parent who's child is in public school. I don't have to worry about other people raising my kids or other kids raising my kids. (Read "Hold onto your kids. Why parents need to matter more than peers" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.)

3. I know exactly what my children are learning. I know what their grades are at any given moment. There is no need to go over the curriculum in depth with a teacher or check in to make sure that they are doing okay in school. My son is dyslexic and has a lot of trouble with math. I get to give him one on one time to strengthen the skills he has trouble with. My daughter is advanced and it's great that I can teach her ahead of her class.

4. I don't have to worry about bad teachers, teachers who don't "get" my child, bullies, my kids hanging out with the wrong crowd, drugs , alcohol, and cigarettes. I don't have to worry as much about bad influences until my kids are mature enough to make good decisions.I don't have to worry about bomb threats or someone entering the school with a gun. I don't have to worry about any of that. I just worry about "socializing them." (We all knew that argument would come up.)

So, these are my reasons. You may not agree with them. You especially might not agree with number one. That's fine. They're not your kids. They're not your kids to mess up, as you might think I am. They are mine. I promise though, that I will never knowingly hurt them. I'm not homeschooling them to shelter them from the world. I'm not messing them up. I'm building stronger children for a cruel world. When they step out, they will surely have the tools and more that they need to survive and thrive.

God does work for our benefit. He really, really does.

God really does work for your benefit. He really does. Here's why:

Tomorrow, it will be 5 weeks since my daughter broke out in hives. It has been a very hard 5 weeks. She was miserable. Her whole body was covered in hives and no matter what we did or what medication we gave her, they still continued and she continued to scratch. I cleaned my house very deeply, eliminating most dust, pet dander, and more. I changed our laundry soap and washed and rewashed everything I could think of. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Nothing helped. She continued to break out and it made me feel like a failure. She had nights when she would wake up, itchy and crying. She wanted relief so badly and I couldn't give it to her fast enough. I wanted to cry too. I did when she wasn't watching.

Monday we saw an allergist. He asked me tons of questions, all of which I said no to. He told me I wasn't giving him anything to go on for allergies, but it was a good thing. Then I handed him pictures of my daughter at her worst with the hives and he knew right away what was going on. He told me that hives that cover the whole body and last so long like this are not an allergic reaction. Hives that form from an allergic reaction come and go when the allergen is introduced, but don't stick around like hers did. They also have certain spots that they appear, but not all over the body. He told me that her immune system is overreacting to the cold she got shortly after she got the hives; that her body knew it was sick and tried very strongly to fight it, but instead attacked itself and didn't win against the cold. It is an auto-immune response.

When the allergist was talking with me about the medications my daughter would need to be on to trick her immune system into thinking she was all better so it would stop producing the hives, he was talking with me about the dosage of a medication she had already been on. I took one look and told him that it was wrong. Here's where I know that God works for our benefit. The dose that was originally prescribed for her was one fifth of the dose that was actually needed. We could have stopped the hives a month ago when they first started. BUT, without the mistake, we would have never known that she was having an auto-immune response and not an allergy. I did speak with my doctor (who didn't prescribe the medication) about the mistaken dose and she said it was most likely a typo. She agreed with me that if the mistake hadn't been made, we probably wouldn't be aware of the auto-immunity today. It was a good mistake. It worked for our benefit. God knew that we needed to know. I don't know why yet, but I will someday.

My highly sensitive child

I found out a year ago that my little girl is a highly sensitive child. This means that emotions react more intensely in her brain. It is her brain turning her emotions into a physical reaction at times. She feels deeper than others. This discovery was hard on me, because I was hoping she would outgrow her intense emotions at some point. She won't. This is part of her. It is who my baby is.

Over the years, I've had many people comment on her. She has a fear of strangers, especially when they touch her.  Many people do not like that and get upset that she fears them. She cannot handle extremely loud noises. That's weird to some. Her intense emotions show when she's happy or excited and it comes off as overwhelming to some. When she cries, it takes a really long time for her to calm down. Anger and sadness lead to tears, and she cries longer and louder than other children. This comes off as fit throwing to many, and I've been told many times to stop spoiling her and giving in to get. I don't do either, but am accused of it. My daughter is strong-willed and determined and didn't like to be told no, but she gets it anyway and has had to learn to accept it as an answer.

Today, someone close to me admitted, "Your daughter pisses me off." I wanted so badly to tell them off! My daughter is 5! Whether she is highly sensitive or not, she is a child who behaves like a child. Yes, she's overwhelming. Believe me, I know. But she is a child who doesn't know exactly how to handle her intense feelings, whatever they are at the time. They overwhelm her. They take over her thought process. She requires a lot of patience.
My thought on my child pissing you off: you don't have to be around her. Amongst all of the criticism that I've received regarding my darling girl, this one hurt the most!

It hurts my mama heart to see my daughter looked down upon by others. She's different. She looks normal, but inside she is different and different apparently is not okay. I encourage her to learn from her emotions, to be able to handle them better. She will never stop feeding them so intensely. It is how her body is wired. But she can learn how to manage them. She's 5 though, and this will take a long time to perfect. She's different than you, and that's okay. So am I.

I am everything they say I am

I've recently heard comments from people I know well to people I don't really know. They've been saying things like this:

• "You're a sweet girl."
• "You're a good person." 
• "You're strong."
• "You're kind and caring."
• "You're a great mom." 
• "You're a great wife."

I've had a really hard time believing them. I really, truly have. When I look at me, I don't see that person at all. Here's why: I've been told I'm a bad mother, because I love on, snuggle with, and kiss my kids. Because I put their needs in front of my own. Because I make them matter and I make sure they know it. I've been called a bad sister because I care. A lot. I've been called a bad daughter because I care for my mom. I support her emotionally, physically, and monetarily. I support her a lot and really, truly love her. I've been called a bad friend because I'm loyal and caring and want to help others as much as I can. I've been called a bad wife because I respect and follow my husband. Because I am loyal and loving to him. I've been called a bad Christian because I follow the Bible and our Lord. Because I do what I can to do life God's way instead of man's way.

Yes, I've been accused of all of these things. When I look at me, I can't imagine how I can do all of these things and yet still be bad, but I am to the accusers. That's their problem, but it hasn't failed to rub off on me.

These people who have accused me of being a sweet person, a good person, strong, kind and caring, a great mom, and a great wife see me. I am everything they say I am. The other day, I was shocked when a friend told me they would never think of me as being depressed or low. I was shocked when another friend who doesn't know me well saw me as strong and willing to grow and learn. I was shocked when someone told me I was a good person, plain and simple. This is what people see me as. Not the above negative comments, but the good comments. It took me a while, but I got it. I'm not seen as the bad person I've been accused of being. I'm seen as the good person I am. It's wonderful to know that I am exactly what they say I am.

New Year's Resolutions

I never do New Year's Resolutions. For me, organizing a list of things I want to complete in the new year is like writing out a to-do list that won't get done. Let's face it. I am a mother, and things that get done are sporadic and never in order. This year, I decided to make a resolution list though.

1. I want to have joy. I mean real, genuine joy. I want to be joyful in my daily life in all things that I do. That means the laundry. And washing dishes. And scrubbing the toilet. Yes, I want to be joyful in those things too.

2. I want to be empathetic. Yes, I want to feel what you do and what they do, whoever they are. I want to really, truly feel for you and identify with you.

3. I want to make time, daily, to read my Bible and spend time with the Lord. Real, genuine, "Do not disturb," time with the Lord. I should make this one number 1.

4. I want to step out of my hiding place. Yes, I have one. It's not very bright and not very fun. It's full of all of the things I'm afraid of, including you. Yes, I'm afraid of you, and you, and everyone else. I'm afraid to trust people. I'm afraid to trust that people can be good. I'm afraid that if I know you, you surely will hurt me in some way. So, I want to step out of my hiding place. I not only want to trust people, I want to help them and be a better person.

5. I want to treat you like Jesus would.

6. I want to model my faith to my children. All. The. Time. In everything I do, I want to show them Christ; In how they are treated, in how I treat others, in how I treat anything and everything. I want them to see Christ daily.

7. I want to model my faith to everyone all the time. If you know me or don't know me, I want you to truly see that I am a follower of Christ. And maybe you'll want to get to know Him a little bit more through me.

8. I want to prayerfully serve God. Every. Single. Day. Serve has a variety of meanings. Here are a few:

a. To work for.

b. To be a servant to.

c. To provide goods and services for

d. To supply goods or services to customers.

e. To meet the requirements of; suffice for: This will serve the purpose.

f. To be of assistance to or promote the interests of; aid:

g. To give homage and obedience to: served God.

h. To be employed as a servant.

i. To be of service or use; function

j. To meet requirements or needs; satisfy:
Those definitions put it into perspective, don't you think?

9. My last resolution is to love by this definition:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Those are my New Year's resolutions. This is a to-do list that I think I can get done